Hindsight
by binkeybella
Summary: Gibbs confronts his SFA about something he found in Tony's desk, and the results are disastrous.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N1: This fic is totally unrelated to my Unconditional series, other than it contains Gibbs and Tony. It's based on a one- shot called 'Peruvian Steel' by Mahiri Chuma, who has kindly given me permission to expand on a paragraph from that fic. Per. St. is a sweet little one-shot, go read it, especially if you're a Tony/Gibbs hurt/comfort junkie like I am. Hope you enjoy, and a big thanks to my sweet beta Bunny. **

**Note: Set sometime in the first season.**

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><p>Agent Kate Todd pretended to ignore the fact that her boss was rifling through her partner's desk. After all, it was one of Tony's own favorite pastimes to paw through everybody else's desk looking for whatever had him obsessed at the moment - a phone number, address, invitation - any number of what he considered 'legitimate' reasons for invading a co-worker's privacy. And seeing as how her boss was LJ Gibbs, she was inclined to let him rifle through any damned desk he had a mind to. But quite honestly, she couldn't imagine anything in Tony's desk that Gibbs might want. No matter. None of her business. Besides, Gibbs had been known to swipe a clean shirt from Tony's file cabinet on occasion. Maybe that's all he was looking for.<p>

"WHAT. THE. HELL." Her boss's angry voice brought her to attention whether she wanted to be or not. Okay, this was SO not good. What in God's name had Gibbs found in DiNozzo's desk to spark a curse so loud the entire floor probably heard it? She thought she didn't want to know. SHOULDN'T know. Plausible deniability. She heard Tony's chair slam back from his desk, Gibb's body slam down into the chair, and a succession of loud rattling noises follow. Several of them, in fact. She had to look up.

There, piled in the middle of Tony's desk were at least a dozen bottles of prescription pills - maybe even closer to twenty, she couldn't really see them all from her desk. But she could see her boss's face very well, and it gave her the sudden urge to run out of the building and maybe even go jump into the cold Potomac just to be on the safe side. It told of a fury normally reserved for the most heinous of suspects. She wondered if she could surreptitiously call Tony and warn him, then decided against it. This was going to be a helluva shitstorm, and she didn't want her name anywhere near it when it blew into the bullpen.

When she heard the ding of the elevator, and Tony's casual form stride out of it, she ducked her head evasively. Maybe she'd take a bathroom break. She was just rising out of her seat when her boss's voice halted her.

"Stay, Agent Todd. Don't want you to miss the show."

She collapsed back down into her chair with a loud sigh.

"Miss WHAT show? Boss, what're you doing at -"

The rest of the sentence evaporated instantly in Tony's brain when he saw what was piled up in the middle of his desk. He stopped dead in his tracks, but when he saw his boss's face, all he could think of was running for his life, which now, he thought grimly, was probably over. The team lead was livid, his face almost crimson with anger, and his eyes glinting hard and feral. He couldn't ever remember seeing a look like that on Gibb's face. And he had seen _a lot_of the bossman's faces over the years.

"Boss, I - " Tony started, using 'the best offense is a good defense' strategy.

"Not. Another. Word."

Tony swallowed hard. For the life of him he couldn't imagine why Gibbs was so pissed over bottles of pills. What the hell, did he think he was saving them to sell on the street or something?

"Sit!" Gibbs barked, and Tony sat. And waited. While Gibbs silently paced around him. He could hear the man breathing hard and knew he was trying to control his anger. Tony bleakly thought he wasn't doing a very good job.

"You LIKE feeling pain, Tony? Is THAT the only thing that makes you feel like you're alive?"

"Boss -" Tony's voice was hard and flat. "Not here. Please."

"Why NOT here, DiNozzo? You don't mind sharing everything ELSE about your life with your team, HELL, the whole BUILDING knows everything about you!"

"Not everything, Boss. Can't we talk about this in your office?"

"We're talking about it HERE, DiNozzo, suck it up! Now I'm asking you a question and I need an answer! DO-YOU-LIKE-PAIN?"

Alright. Enough was enough. If his boss wanted to be a prick in front of the entire floor, Tony wasn't going down without a fight.

"Yeah, Boss, as a matter of fact, I guess I do, I've been working for you for three years now, you'd think I'd be NUMB to it, but YEAH, I get off on pain! I couldn't get enough of it as a kid, either, just ask my old man! That's why I got into sports, why I went into law enforcement, so I could get the snot kicked out of me on a regular basis! Unlike YOU, who goes to the ER EVERYTIME he gets hurt and NEVER throws away the scripts that Ducky writes for him!"

"This isn't ABOUT me, DiNozzo!" Gibbs practically screamed his frustration at having the table turned on himself.

"This is ALL about you, Boss. This is about you trying to control every aspect of my life on the job. When I can eat, when I can piss, when I can leave my freaking desk!"

"Yeah, it's called being your god damned BOSS, and anytime that doesn't SIT right with you, you know where the Hoover Building is!"

Well. Alright then. How many times had Gibbs thrown THAT in his face, Fornell's standing offer to join the Feebie gang. Tony knew it grated on his boss no end that Fornell would smack him down in front of Gibbs, then offer him a job behind the team lead's back.

"Tell you what," Tony stated calmly, un-holstering his Sig and then unclipping his badge and laying them on his desk top along with the bottles. "You've already cleaned these outta my desk, why don't you clean the rest of the shit out, just put what's mine in a box and - "

"Tony..." Gibbs growled warningly, but he was ignored.

"NO, Gibbs, this ends here! You don't get to keep throwing that in my face whenever you get pissed at me and want me see things your way! Why the hell would you CARE if I take my damned pain pills, you're always telling me to 'suck it up, tough it out, quit bein' a baby!' Am I missing anything? Now you're pissed 'cause I don't take a god damned pill? You keep them for the NEXT guy, I bet he'll be suckin' them down like Pez once you get your hooks into him."

He turned to a thoroughly shaken Kate. "Kate, do me a favor and make sure Ducky gets my Mighty Mouse stapler. You get my American Pie mug." He turned back to Gibbs. "YOU - get to see my ass headed out the door, just like you're always threatening to do."

And with that, Tony grabbed up his backpack and strode to the elevator as both Kate and Gibbs watched him go with open mouths.

"Boss, you're - not gonna just let him walk OUT of here like that, are you?"

Gibbs grabbed up Tony's weapon and badge and headed for his desk. "He'll be back!" he waved his hand matter-of-factly. "He's just trying to prove a point. A really stupid point..."

"But he left his weapon and badge!"

"Yup. Got 'em in my hand."

"But -" Kate continued to protest.

"Get back to work, Kate." Gibbs almost added 'or you'll be turning in your badge and weapon too', but thought better of it. A mutiny of half his team was bad enough, he'd never hear the end of it if Kate went on strike, too. Because, after all, that's all Tony was doing, throwing a temper tantrum and running away from home because nobody understood him. Gibbs had done it a time or two himself when he was a kid, and was always back before dinner.

**. . . . .**

Gibbs looked at his watch for what was probably the tenth time that afternoon. It had been nearly 7 hours since his meltdown with his SFA.

_Guess the kid decided to just take the rest of the day off. _

It was past quitting time, and Gibbs refused to admit he had kept Kate and himself late in hopes that Tony would show up before they left. Kate had spoken to him only when spoken to. He knew she was pissed with him, too. She and Tony were so often like oil and water, but Gibbs knew Tony was a younger brother to Kate, and while SHE may get to pick on him, no one else was allowed to, especially in such spectacular fashion.

Now Gibbs had to admit a few things, if only to himself…one of which was that he should've done what Tony had asked and taken the confrontation to his elevator office. Hindsight. And Gibbs was kicking himself hard for it.

"Go home, Agent Todd," Gibbs announced loudly, out of nowhere. He kept his voice firm, authoritative. No letting her know he'd screwed up. And hell, it was DiNozzo's fault, being arrogant enough to think he could back Gibbs down and come out on top. Never gonna happen. His team, his way, or hit the highway. DiNozzo knew that when he'd signed on anyways, what the hell did he expect? Gibbs heard Kate sigh as she picked up her pack and coat and fled the bullpen.

"If DiNozzo calls you, you tell 'im nothing's changed in the last seven hours!" he called after her.

"Yup, will do!" she replied tightly, and hurled herself into the elevator before her boss could come after her too.

**. . . . .**

It was almost 2200 when Gibbs heard someone come through his front door. He was at his dining room table, writing out checks for some bills and nursing a bottle of bourbon.

_About damned TIME the kid got over it, _he grumbled to himself and dug out another glass for his guest. He was figuring DiNozzo would've been there earlier and brought dinner, but he'd wolfed down a couple of PBJs and some booze and now he wasn't hungry anymore anyways.

"You go cryin' to Kate first or Abby?" he asked snarkily without looking up from his bill-paying.

"Neither one, Jethro. Why would I be CRYING, I got one of the best agents in the business working for me now."

Gibb's head flew up from his papers. It couldn't be Fornell and he couldn't have just said what he'd said. Fornell could easily read the shock and anger on his friend's face, but chose to ignore it as he put both hands on the dining room table and leaned over into Gibb's space.

"How long did you think you could push him like that, Jethro? Even a DOG runs away if he gets kicked too many times."

"Wasn't pushing him, I was -"

"Was what? Backing him into a corner? Or over a cliff? 'Cause he landed kinda hard by the look on his face when he showed up at my office."

"I did it for his own -"

"Don't you DARE tell me you did it for his own good, you stubborn bastard! You poked him with the same sharp stick one too many times and he grabbed it away from you and USED it on ya!"

"I found sixteen bottles of painkillers in his desk drawer. Who the hell doesn't take them when their arm or leg feels like it's gonna fall off? He likes PAIN, Tobias, he gets high on the pain instead of the pills!"

"Oh, Christ, do you HEAR yourself, Jethro? That kid does everything you tell him to do, without question, with blind trust -"

"It's NOT blind!"

"If YOU do it, or DON'T do it, then it's the right thing to do or NOT do. Why don't you ever even get your own scripts FILLED, Jethro? No insurance? Co-pay too high? Can't get a ride to the pharmacy? You can't pull the 'do as I say, not as I do' card on him, he won't take it! He sees you go without them, thinks,'Well HELL, if Daddy Gibbs doesn't need them, I sure as hell don't, he's got seventeen years on me!' WISE UP, Jethro, make sure the next agent you get on your team is either your age or dumb as a post. Or both."

"I'm not getting another agent, DiNozzo's just stringin' us both along."

"Oh REALLY, that must be why he spent the afternoon in Human Resources filling out paperwork and answering questions. Oh, and the gals love 'im there, they're already making lists of who's bringing what dessert for his breaks. You did me a favor, Jethro. I was going to start looking for a new agent next week. Don't need to now."

Gibbs stared the man in the eyes, looking for any sign of deceit on his part. He couldn't find any. He dropped his own eyes to the table and stared at the bottom of his bourbon glass instead.

"You - you take CARE of him, Tobias," he finally said in a measured but shaky voice. "I won't be able to watch his six anymore." He looked back up at the man with a lethal gleam in his eyes. "Anything happens to him on your watch and I'll hunt you down like a dog, friend or not."

"No guarantees, Jethro, you KNOW that. Even YOU couldn't keep him out of trouble or he never would've needed all those pain pills in the first place."

"Yeah. Guess you're right." Gibb's voice was quiet...defeated. "I did a shitty job all 'round with him. Should've expected it to all blow up in my god damned face."

"I'll bring 'im by for custody visits, Gibbs. After he cools down a little, that is. Might be a few weeks, though, he was blowin' steam out of his ears when he barged into my office."

"Yeah. Bet he was." Gibbs downed the two fingers of bourbon in his glass in one gulp. "Night, Tobias," he dismissed the man, as he got up from the table and headed to his basement. "You always wanted a son. Now ya GOT one." The basement door slammed.

"Yeah," Fornell mumbled, fishing in his pocket for his keys. "Yours. Too bad you didn't appreciate him when ya had him."

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><p><strong>AN2: This started out as a one-shot and as usual, morphed into something bigger and angstier than I had originally planned. There will be at least one other chapter to it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N1: Thanks to my beta Bunny - love ya, Skippy!**

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><p>Gibbs dragged himself into work the next morning with a vicious hangover, and in an even more vicious mood. He ignored what little Kate said to him, concentrating instead on swallowing down as much scalding coffee as he could get his hands on. Three empties already littered the waste basket, and he was halfway through his fourth as he stared with guilt at his SFA'S desk. FORMER desk. Former SFA, obviously, as Tony had deigned not to show up to work this morning.<p>

His mind wandered to the Hoover building, to Fornell's office, and to Tony and the Feebie sitting back, relaxed, laughing over Danishes and coffee. Laughing at him. At the fact he didn't know how to be a good boss, or even a friend, or hell, how to behave like a human being. If only they knew that it wasn't his fault, that life - the Universe, God, whoever was in control, or more likely NOT in control - had made him the way he was, had hurt him and beaten him down so hard that he didn't even recognize himself anymore.

He didn't LIKE behaving that way, he just wasn't equipped with the emotional skills to handle his sorrow and bitterness any other way. And Tony had always overlooked his bad temper, had always forgiven him and moved on. Well, he'd certainly moved on THIS time, but forgiveness was seemingly not in the picture. But they'd had some good times, anyways, and Gibbs had realized that he could peel back Tony's very carefully guarded layers if he was patient enough, try to find out what made the kid the way he was and maybe sand off some of the sharper, more raw edges. That job would fall to Fornell now. God, how he hated that man. If he hadn't provided such an easy out for his kid...His kid?

_Nahh, don't be an idiot, Jethro. _He slugged back another two gulps of coffee, nearly finishing of the cup. _Why in God's name would anyone wanna be your kid NOW? You're all headslaps and bellowed insults._

'Butter wouldn't melt in your mouth', Tony had told him once after he'd leveled a particularly nasty jibe on the kid. But he'd seen the hurt in Tony's eyes, and his gut had actually twinged from it. That feeling had been so foreign and unexpected it had momentarily thrown him and he'd had to 'go for coffee'. How long ago had THAT been, and he still hadn't learned anything from it.

He slammed back the rest of the coffee and tossed the cup; it bounced off the others and rolled onto the carpet. Well, hell, what was he doing sitting and reminiscing over old times, he had work to do. Part of which was to clean out Tony's desk. He'd located a box in a supply closet when he'd come in and found Tony's desk devoid of one Very Special Agent. Now he set it on the desk top and proceeded to open all the desk drawers and sort them out. Had he not been so half-in-the-bag hung-over, he might have laughed out loud at the irony of the situation. If he hadn't been rummaging without permission through Tony's desk in the first place yesterday, he wouldn't be cleaning it out now. Hindsight bites again. Well, it was done, Tony was under Fornell's wing now, and here was his desk to be sorted.

In the end, there was hardly a boxful of DiNozzo's personal items, either from the drawers or file cabinet. And in the end, it was a photo that did Gibbs in - taped to the inside of the bottom left-hand drawer, where only Tony would see it. He and Gibbs, helping Abby at a Habitat for Humanity house project. Gibbs had taken the time to explain to Tony what the tools were and what they did, and the correct way to use them. Even so, Tony had ended up doing more bull work than carpentry, but how he had enjoyed that time and closeness to Gibbs outside of work. The older man had been in his element with the hands-on teaching of something - and someone- so dear to him. It had reminded him of teaching Kelly those things out in his garage workshop...

Gibbs ripped the photo off the side of the drawer, tearing it almost in half. _How appropriate, _he thought bitterly. He was good at ruining things.

A voice brought him front and center into the present. Abby. _Ah, hell...  
><em>  
>"Gibbs, what's going on? Why're you doing that? Where's Tony?"<p>

Double hell. Apparently, not only had Tony not 'gone crying' to Abby, no one ELSE had informed her, either. Luckily, she had been out of the lab yesterday on personal business. Now, however, things were really going to hit the fan. Yet another way that Kate and the other agents were punishing him for his idiocy…Having to explain to Abby himself what had happened to her 'big brother'.

_For the love of all things holy, _he grumbled to himself. _Could someone just SHOOT me through the head and put me out of my misery? _It would have helped if he'd not been so gawdawfully hungover. That damned hindsight again.

He looked up with bleary, bloodshot eyes that had seen very little sleep and too much alcohol. How would he tell her all that had happened, that his intentions had been good, but his actions crappy? That he'd actually been afraid for Tony, still WAS in fact, that the kid had some psychological screw loosened in his childhood that made him addicted to pain, and probably adrenalin, too.

"He's gone, Abs," was all he could come up with for her.

"Gone where? For coffee? To the dentist? Vegas?"

"No, Abs, gone as in - gone. To the FBI."

"Oh. Okay. When will he be -" And then it dawned on her, looking at Gibb's angry hangover and the box of what she recognized as Tony's belongings. Gone as in, crossed over to the Dark Side. Gone as in one too many emotional body blows.

Her first thought after understanding this was to leap over the desk and slap Gibbs. Hard.

But she was as good as Tony and the bossman at reading people, and she took a moment to read his eyes before she took action. It was something - some THINGS, actually, that she had never seen in them before, at least not all at once...regret, sadness, anger, and something that actually chilled her. Sorrow. The sorrow that comes from profound loss. Gibbs was...grieving. There was no way she could even YELL at him now, much less slap him. She swallowed hard and took a step back from the desk.

"What'd you need, Abs?" he asked quietly, not wanting to talk about DiNozzo any longer.

"I - wanted Tony to go to lunch with me, but..." She cleared her throat and swallowed hard again. "I'm not gonna ask you what happened, Gibbs, I can get the real story from Kate. And I'm pretty sure you pushed him too far over something really stupid. You KNOW what you have to do, so quit cleaning out his freaking desk and go do it!" With that, she stormed out of the bullpen, grabbing Kate's arm on the way. "Come on, Kate, buy me a Caf-Pow."

_Ah, Abs._ Everything so black and white when it came to so many things, including the way she wanted Gibbs to treat Tony. But she wasn't responsible every working hour of every working day for making sure he didn't get maimed or killed, or for trying to help him when he DID get hurt.

She was only there for the white side of things, after the mess had been cleaned up, to offer words of comfort and junk food. She wasn't there for the black side, sopping up his blood, or delicately holding an icepack on a bruised face, or directing a concussed and confused Tony to the car to take him to the hospital for an MRI.

Did she think Gibbs LIKED seeing Tony bleeding and in pain? That somehow 'being nice' to him got him closer to his goal instead of farther away from it? Abby understood a lot about Tony, but Tony was a different person when he was out in the field working a case. And it took all kinds of Gibb's energy to keep him roped in and relatively safe from harm. The kid was a veritable shit-magnet, most of the time through no fault of his own. And it wore on the older agent, got his blood up with unspoken worry, kept his temper on a short leash.

Gibbs knew DiNozzo never meant to be worrisome, or that he didn't actually go out of his way to cause strife between his boss and himself. He simply knew no other way, had no clue he was causing such things with Gibbs. Because the man never said as much. He just got angry and snapped, so what ELSE was the kid supposed to think? Gibbs had looked deeply enough into Tony's past to know that anger and punishment were the order of the day in the DiNozzo household. And that they were all that seemed to work on the kid, with head slaps most often the means of punishment.

And it suddenly, horribly, occurred to Gibbs - how was Fornell going to HANDLE him, keep him corralled so he didn't go off half-cocked and get himself killed? Fornell only THOUGHT he knew DiNozzo, and thought Gibbs was too rough on the kid. He'd spoil the kid, overindulge him just to spite Gibbs, to throw it in his face. And DiNozzo would get off-kilter from it, so out-of-whack that he'd be thrown off his game. Maybe for only seconds, but in their line of work, seconds meant the difference between continuing to breathe and taking a dirt nap. Okay, so Abby was right, he needed to go fix things, and now. Problem was, he had no clue where to even start.

And then it occurred to him that Ducky probably didn't know anything about what happened. He needed to go tell the M.E., and maybe while he was explaining what and why things had happened, Ducky might let drop some pearls of wisdom that would help him start out on the right foot to the Hoover building.

**. . . . .  
><strong>

_This is fun!_ Tony thought to himself. Like taking a vacation without having to leave home. A veritable Disneyland in his own back yard.

He'd spent most of the day yesterday and so far, all of today, reviewing cold cases with Fornell. They'd made a little fortress in the Human Resources and Fornell had been supplying him with all the take-out and home-cooked food and desserts he could conjure up. He was, as of yet, not an employee of the FBI, so this was all gratis, but he was still getting paid at NCIS - he'd found, to his great delight, that he had many paid personal and sick days accrued. This was working out perfectly. He had just gotten a call from Abby telling him about going up to the bullpen to make a lunch date, only to find Gibbs at his desk. A very hung-over, restrained Gibbs.

Part of Tony had actually felt a little bad about the hang-over - nobody ever like having to come into work with one. The rest of him crowed that he had rattled his stoic boss so badly that he'd resorted to a night of booze. Good. Let the man stew in his own juice. Literally. Tony wasn't upset at the man for questioning his sanity regarding pain and whether he got off on it or not. That was an issue he knew more than one soldier or law enforcement officer had done battle with. No, he was upset that Gibbs had been arrogant and disrespectful enough to air it all in front of God and country. He'd asked his boss quietly, nicely, to take it inside his 'office', to which Gibbs defiantly ignored him, choosing instead for them to throw their dirty laundry all over the floor of the MCRT.

Even Morrow had heard it, and witnessed at least half of it. He'd called Tony on his cell as soon as he knew the young agent was out of Gibb's earshot, and pretty much begged Tony not to quit and join forces with Fornell and his Feebies.

He'd used all sorts of guilt and bribery on the kid, but in the end, it was his heartfelt warning that made a difference. His warning that nobody had ever or could ever watch Gibb's six like DiNozzo, and that—without Tony as Gibb's SFA—the lead agent would not only lose his rhythm, but lose his will to live.

Without DiNozzo to mentor and mother-hen, albeit in his own harsh fashion, Gibbs would have no real focus anymore, and both Morrow and Tony knew that men like Gibbs, without something solid to concentrate on, started to not give a damn and then started drinking too much, and then started not giving a damn that they were drinking too much. Showing up to work hung-over, surly and ready to take a bullet or a bomb, or at the very least, wrecking their careers and losing their pensions, and soon after, being the very person to put that elusive bullet through their heads.

Nope, Morrow was right; it just wouldn't do to leave Gibbs to his own devices, no matter how he'd gotten himself there.

So Tony had agreed not to defect to the FBI, on the condition that he be allowed to let Gibbs squirm for a day or two.

He knew Gibbs would never outright beg him to come back. But he was so-o-o intrigued with the many possibilities of what he WOULD do to get him back. And he WOULD want him back. Tony knew the man too well, knew that after the dust had settled he'd realize what an ass he had been, and regret how he had gone about things. Gibbs was a 20/20 kind of guy. Probably always would be. And now Tony was sitting back, waiting for the gunfight at the OK Corral and helping Fornell in the meantime. Nothing Fornell had said to Gibbs had been a lie, Tony HAD spent the yesterday afternoon filling out paperwork at the FBI Human Resources. The paperwork just happened to be cold-case files.

Which was exactly where he was now, nibbling on a double-decker frosted brownie that Fornell's assistant had procured from Tony's favorite bakery. Life was good. And he'd just found a new lead in one of the cold cases that Fornell's team had been working on for months in their down time. He stood up and brushed the brownie crumbs off his lap, readying to go find Fornell, when the man himself strode into the room.

"Ducky just called me, said Gibbs just left autopsy and was on his way here."

"Really! What sort of mood was he in, did he say?"

"Gunnin' for bear, kiddo. How hard of a fight do you want me to put up for you? I mean, I don't want him to have a heart attack over this just cause he's been an ass."

"Ah, I dunno, Tobias, use your best judgment. You'll know when he's getting ready to flip, that vein pops out on his forehead!" Tony laughed, but then turned serious. "You KNOW I'm not trying to hurt him on this, Toby, I just - he needs to curb his enthusiasm a little bit, and by that I mean his 'I don't give a shit what you or anyone else thinks' attitude. I've got enough hang-ups without him adding to them. It really hurt what he did, and he could have done it differently. But he wouldn't, just 'cause I asked him to, and he wanted to be in control. And most of the time I WANT him in control, but not when he's OUT of control...if you get my meaning."

"Yeah, kid, I DO. You know he LOVES ya, though, right? No matter what comes out of his mouth when he's out of control, you mean the world to him. He doesn't hurt you on purpose, he's just - a little ass backwards. Only knows how to show it by being pissed - it's his default setting, just like yours is humor. Someday you might eventually meet in the middle."

"I'm not gonna hold my breath, Tobias, but hope does spring eternal. Speaking of hope, I think I found what you need to go after Lewis."

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><p><strong>AN2: One more chap after this, the big Gibbs/Fornell showdown!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N 1: Thanks again to my fabulous friend and beta Bunny (whom I enjoy calling Skippy), who was also too kind, and bought and sent me Mr. Harmon's "Prince of Bel Air" for me for Christmas. It was pure and total eye candy**—**charmin' Hotman in short-shorts and no shirt. Wooohhooooooo! Also, thanks to everyone who has reviewed, alerted or favorited this story!**

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><p>Rumor later had it that Gibbs stormed into the Hoover building like Sherman marching through Atlanta; there was absolutely no doubt he was a man on a mission and most of the employees slash spectators were hoping for knock-down drag-out between the Fed and the ex-Gunny. They were hardly disappointed, although there was no bloodshed. Even though Gibbs descended on Fornell like a hive of angry hornets, the Feebie grinned hugely at him. Looked like the man had finally figured it out. He needed to fight for his SFA.<p>

Fornell was just coming to his office from the break room when Agent Sacks hailed him.

"Boss, Gibbs is in the elevator, he should be here any second the way he's moving."

"Thanks," Fornell told him calmly. "I'll get my whip and chair ready."

Fornell set his coffee down on his desk, wishing now he'd gotten two of them, but Gibbs had always complained about the 'crappy Feebie swill', so no matter. He was still trying to formulate answers in his head to whatever Gibbs would throw at him, but really, he had no idea what that would be, other than that the man wanted his agent back, and now. Oh well, maybe it was a good day to die. Just as he was thinking that and settling down behind his desk, Gibbs roared into his office.

"Where is he, Tobias?" the angry man yelled, leaning menacingly over Fornell's desk with both arms straight out.

"Where's who?" Fornell asked innocently, taking a sip of his still too hot coffee. "Oh, you're lookin' for your—my—boy, Tony. He's in the H.R. conference room, only space we HAD for him right now."

"He doesn't even have his own desk?"

"He just GOT here, Jethro, and besides, money's tight, lots of stuff got downsized, including furniture. So. Whataya WANT with him?"

"You KNOW what I want with him, I'm taking him home!"

"Home. Hmm. Didn't know he had one. Was an orphan when he came to me."

"Tobias, I'm WARNING you!"

"Warning me about WHAT, you can't just storm into this place and drag someone out by their ear. He's not some teenager at a girlie bar! He's working for ME now, he's already solved a cold case for me! He keeps it up, I can retire before I'm sixty!"

"You don't know how to handle him, Tobias." Gibbs growled, staring hard at the man, trying his best to intimidate.

"And you DO, Jethro? 'Cause if you DID, you wouldn't be in MY OFFICE trying to get him BACK!"

"He belongs to me. My agent. MY probie. MY pain in the ass."

"Yeah, ya see, now that's a big part of why he's here, Jethro. Your agent, your probie, I GET that part. But then ya RUIN it all with 'my pain in the ass'. 'Cause that's the part HE gets, too. You keep calling him that, pretty soon you're both gonna believe it. _Tell a lie long enough and it becomes the truth_, that whole thing...Do you ever PRAISE him, Jethro? Ever say, 'Good job, Tony'? Three little words. Mean as much to him as those OTHER three words you haven't been able to say in years."

Gibbs leaned so far over the desk that they were almost touching noses. "Since when did you get your family counseling degree, Tobias? You don't know SQUAT about how Tony and I operate!"

"Doesn't take a psychologist to see you think tough love is the only thing he understands. Dontcha think he had enough of that growin' up, Jethro?"

"He THRIVES on my tough love, Tobias, it's what's made the good agent he is!"

"Oh, right. Give YOURSELF all the credit, Jethro."

"If it weren't for me, he'd still be job-hopping every major police department from Baltimore to Baton Rouge! He had NO direction, NO discipline, didn't even know enough to keep himself FED! He basically didn't give a shit about anything."

"And neither did YOU! And NOW look at ya! Storming down to the feds to drag your lifeline back to the Navy Yard! Admit it, Jethro, you NEED him, and not just to help you crack cases! You can't even STAND the THOUGHT of him not working with you anymore or worse, not having your cub safe in your den! You got no sleep last night, and by the looks of ya, you probably put away at least a half bottle of hootch. You didn't know what you had right under your nose till it was gone!"

"I know perfectly WELL what I had. I wouldn't have had him on my team otherwise!"

"Well, now he's on MY team. Team Fornell. You never took me seriously when I said he had a place on my crew anytime he wanted. Thought I was blowin' smoke. But guess what, Jethro, he's here now, and I intend to do what I need to do to KEEP him here."

"What'd ya do, Toby, bribe 'im with more money, less hours, better pension? Thought you said money was TIGHT around here now."

"Hell YEAH, I bribed 'im, told 'im no head slaps, no throwin' his lunch in the garbage and making him go hungry all day, no dressing him down in front of all his friends and colleagues!"

"He TOLD you about that?"

"Didn't HAVE to. One of my guys was there picking up some evidence from a joint case, heard every word of it when he stopped to use the men's room!" Fornell sat back from the agent, studying him hard. "What the hell were you THINKING, Jethro?" he asked in a quiet voice. "You don't do that to a subordinate, especially not over something that sensitive!"

Gibbs deflated a bit and lowered his own voice. "Got scared, Tobias. Lost my temper."

"And you couldn't have taken him somewhere private and discussed it mano a mano with him? Like he NEEDS Todd knowing he can't handle pain killers! Do you have any idea how that made him feel?"

"Didn't care at the time, just needed to know what the hell was going on with him. Found all those pills, started puttin' two and two together. Can't have him out there looking for his next fix of pain, I know how that works, it's like any other drug, you just keep needing more and more until...I can't bury another kid, Tobias. I gotta get him back and get this fixed."

"He's NOT BROKEN, Jethro, jeezus, for somebody with such a big rule AGAINST it, you sure know how to make assumptions! He doesn't get high on the pain, he HATES the pain, pain is not his FRIEND!"

"Then why the hell all the pills, why the hell didn't he TAKE them? HE knows I wouldn't think he was weak if he did."

"Yeah, RIGHT, Mr. I-eat-M.P.s for breakfast. You have any IDEA what kind of a pedestal that kid has you up on? How scared he is of failing you, failing in FRONT of you?"

"I NEVER ASKED HIM TO PUT ME THERE!" Gibbs shouted, his anger building again. "All I ever asked of him was to his job to the best of his ability and do whatever I tell 'im! There's no ROOM for hero worship in this job, Tobias, he has to be his OWN damned hero, or I'm not doin' my job right! And if he's got a problem with that, then maybe he DOESN'T belong on my team!"

"Good. That means you go away now and let him settle in here. Get yourself an agent that doesn't give a damn about ya other than making sure you're there to cover his ass when the bullets start flying. A golden boy, YOU know, maybe one of those computer whiz kids everybody's hirin' now who can't fight or think his way out of a wet paper bag, but man, he sure can make those SPREADSHEETS look good for the brass."

"Tobias..." Gibbs was back to growling again.

"I don't wanna hear it, Jethro, either shit or get off the pot! You want your cake and to have it too, well it damned well doesn't WORK that way with DiNutso, at least not anymore! You know damned WELL I didn't bribe that kid with money, that's not what he cares about, and you KNOW it!"

"Then what'd ya promise him, Tobias? What have YOU GOT that I can't give 'im?"

"Something he's been looking for all his life, Jethro, something even his own FATHER couldn't find to give him."

"I'm his BOSS, Tobias, I'm here to teach him to be the best agent he can be and to watch his six, not coddle him and turn him into a mama's boy. YOU try it with him, he'll throw it in your face like acid. He doesn't know what to do with a soft touch, it throws him off his game. And he has ENOUGH problems staying in one piece without being off his game. I SWEAR to you, Tobias, if you do it to him and something happens to him because of it..."

Fornell sat back up in his chair at the implied threat. He was done pretending to bait Gibbs, tired of him beating around the bush.

"I'm not TALKING about hugs and kisses, Jethro. I'm talking about one word. It's called respect. You want him to have it for you, you want him to have it for himself. But no one's ever shown it to him for him to learn it. At least not in a way that it wasn't shoved down his throat by force. You want him to work for you, he has to respect you, and you, him. You lost it when you jumped in his shit in the bullpen and started making accusations, and in front of everyone, no less. Always gotta be in control of everything."

"It's how I've survived, Tobias. I don't know any other way."

"Well you damned well better FIND a way! He's not YOU, Jethro, he has feelings, even though he never lets you SEE them. And you HURT him when you disrespected him."

"I can't BE somebody I'm NOT, Tobias, so quit ASKIN' me to! I'm too old to change who I am!"

Fornell sighed tiredly. "Yeah. Great excuse, Jethro. How many times has DiNutso had to reinvent himself to fit your 'perfect little agent' mold? You want him to shed his demons and become a new man without question, but it's okay for you to hide out in your little Neanderthal cave."

"I just TOLD you, I'm not his god damned nanny! I don't DO feelings, I don't do emotional crap. He knew that when he signed on with me, he either sucks it up or he moves on!"

"So what yer SAYIN' is, it's his fault he had to bail on ya."

"I'm sayin' he needs to quit bein' a PANSY and get OVER it! Not the first time we've had it out in the bullpen."

"Nope. Just the last." Fornell took a good long drink of his now cooled coffee and looked Gibbs square in the eye. "It's been swell talkin' with ya, Jethro, but I've got a big case to wrap up. You know your way outta here."

"Tobias, I'm not leaving without him."

"Well, my friend, that's where you're wrong again. Up until now I was willing to spot you some points, I mean, I know the kid can be a handful at the BEST of times. But now...you've got nothing I wanna hear. Pack up your huckster wagon and hit the road, I've got work to do."

And with that, Fornell lowered his head, opened the case file, and proceeded to ignore the seething man in front of him.

"This isn't over, Tobias!"

Fornell had had it with the man, and flew up from behind his desk so fast that Gibbs actually took a step back in surprise. "You don't really want him back 'cause you miss him, DO you? You want him back cause HE HAD THE BALLS TO STAND UP TO YOU AND LEAVE, AND YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM PERMISSION! You want him back because someone took what's Leroy Jethro Gibbs's, and nobody takes what belongs to him without regretting it! You want him back just to prove a god damned point! Not because you value him. Not because maybe you need him and he damned well needs you!"

Fornell took a breath and looked Gibbs straight in the eye. "You're a real piece of work, Gibbs. I don't know if your parents or the Marines did it to you, but you've got a real warped sense of what's important. Get out of here, before I call security on ya. And leave Tony alone, or I'll be the one coming after YOU for a change!"

Fornell's face was red. Scarlett, almost. Gibbs could only stare at him, dumbstruck. What that what his friend really thought of him?

Well, of COURSE it was, he had just gotten done screaming at him and looking like he was going to stroke out. He knew Fornell liked Tony, admired his skills, but to defend him like this? Maybe he'd been wrong about Tony not being safe under Fornell's watch. Fornell had just defended the kid against him, in no uncertain terms. The man who was nearly as emotionally stunted as Gibbs himself had just screamed at him. Told him he was there to reclaim property, that Tony was just chattel to him, that his thinking was warped.

Gibbs stood stunned, not sure what to do next.

"Go back to work, Jethro," Fornell told him with a tired sigh as he scrubbed a hard hand over his face. "We're done here. I should have snagged him away from you long before now. You didn't deserve him."

Fornell refused to look back up at his shocked friend, didn't see the storm of emotions crossing Gibb's face and settling in his gut. The NCIS agent turned on his heel and left without a word, not even seeing the groups of people who had gathered to watch the smack down.

Fornell was wrong, DEAD wrong. Deep in his gut, Gibbs knew that nothing the Feebie had said was true, at least the part about why he had come back for his SFA. But there was a part of him that had to admit that he sure made it LOOK like it was all true, that his way of thinking and subsequent behavior left no clues as to his real feelings and emotions. He had decided many years ago that neither of them were anyone's business, and therefore never brought out for anyone's scrutiny or opinions. It was just so much easier that way, to suppress and control them, and it was more habit now than need.

Well, this habit was about to cost him big time, and he needed to learn to break it, or at least bend it a little, and fast.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Okay, folks, this was supposed to be a one-shot. Then I thought I could wrap it up in TWO chapters. HAHA! My muse had other ideas. I'm not even going to venture a guess it there's just one more chapter after this.**

**I wish my savings account was this prolific.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Happy New Year, everyone, hope it brings good things to all of you. Thank you beta Bunny, for all of your help and support. Thanks again to all who review, alert and/or favorite, glad that you're enjoying it!**

**Note: The **_**flashback**_** is in **_**italics**_**.**

* * *

><p>Gibbs screeched out of the Hoover Building parking lot disbelieving that he was going back to the Navy Yard empty-handed. Abby was going to murderize him. She expected him to be able to fix everything. What if this wasn't fixable? His fingers cramped around the steering wheel. NOPE. This was fixable, had to be. Tony was just in another part of town, in another agency, not in a coma or six feet under. He just had to calm down and figure it out.<p>

What had Fornell said, something about Tony not wanting Kate to know he couldn't handle painkillers? Would Ducky know anything about that? Would he tell him if he did? The M.E. would be furious with him that he had not resolved things between himself and Tony. He dreaded the tongue-lashing he would get from the man; he had not made it out unscathed when he'd been down there to tell him about his AWOL SFA less than an hour ago. Gibbs thought maybe it would be even worse this time around. He was right.

The M.E. had, at first, listened quietly and attentively, and then laid into him with a fury Gibbs seldom witnessed from the older man. He had actually backed Gibbs into an autopsy table in his agitation, pointing a finger into the lead agent's face.

"This was bound to HAPPEN, Jethro, you can't possibly think that that boy would keep taking your abuse and -"

"I DON'T abuse him!"

"You let me finish, Jethro! How many times have I warned you about this? YES, he needs a strong hand and YES, he responds to your 'tough love', but for God's sake, he's needier and more tender-hearted than you THINK, and he needs to know he's not just another one of your agents destined to end up on the proverbial trash-heap of those you've tossed out on their backsides! You were GOOD to him when he first started, better than you were to any of the others before. What happened, Jethro? What made you start shutting him out? Did he say something, DO something he shouldn't have?"

"Yeah, as a matter of fact, he did! And I can't HAVE it, Duck, I can't make my team my family, it doesn't work, you can't stay objective!"

"Ahhh...he was GETTING to you...HERE!" Ducky pointed his index finger into the middle of Gibbs's chest. "I see. Well, we can't have THAT, now CAN we? With Abigail, it's FINE, she's not out in the field with you, but with Anthony...Let me tell you a secret, Jethro…"

Ducky lowered his voice to almost a whisper as he poked his finger several times into Gibb's chest now. "You-are-too-LATE! You were too late when you dragged him here from Baltimore, otherwise you never would have bothered!" He backed off a little, giving Gibbs some breathing room. "Tell me something, Jethro, do you really think that's fair to the boy?"

"Is WHAT fair to the - him?"

"Taking him in, teaching him everything, making him feel like he's important in your life, and then suddenly, for no reason, treating him like you barely know him? This isn't the start of it, this is the RESULT of weeks of poor treatment of him on your part. What happened to make you turn your back on him these months ago? That's making you cross with him? It ISN'T the pills, we BOTH know that, that was just the match that lit the fuse. What caused the powder keg to evolve in the FIRST place? He couldn't possibly have behaved THAT badly on the job -"

"He COULD, and he DID! And I got to clean up the FALLOUT from it!"

"Mmm. Let's see - two months ago... that was May...what happened in -" Ducky stopped mid-sentence, his eyes widening a bit as realization dawned. "Oh. Yes. I see."

**. . . . .**

_It was late in the afternoon when Ducky got the near-frantic call from Kate that she and Gibbs were bringing Tony in for an 'outpatient' call and to be ready with all the medical supplies he could muster. He shook his head in dismay - if it was that serious, why bring Tony to HIM, take him to the emergency room, for heaven's sake. But his friend and lead agent must have had a good reason, and maybe Kate was being a little over-the-top with her concern. She got that way when Tony was threatened or injured, unless it was she who was doing the threatening and injuring. _

_Unfortunately, he knew he was wrong when Gibbs and Kate dragged Tony into autopsy. _

_Blood was dripping steadily from his mouth and nose, and ran down his cheek from a gash under his left eye. What in God's name had HAPPENED, and why weren't they in the nearest ER? _

_Gibbs explained it all to him while he checked and x-rayed, cleaned and stitched. They had been working a joint case with Fornell's team, and he and Tony had walked into a hotel room that they had been using for a stake-out, only to find two armed men who promptly relieved them of their weapons and phones and proceeded to interrogate them. _

_Gibbs seemed the most likely of the two to have the information they wanted, surmising he was the lead agent in the operation. But in typical fashion, DiNozzo had led them astray with his motor-mouth, telling them that he was just an informant and got forced into helping NCIS and the FBI, and wasn't about to die for either one of them. Let Gibbs go and he'd tell them what they wanted. _

_In the end, they had locked Gibbs in the bathroom and, not happy with the information he was providing them, started to beat him to a pulp. Gibbs had heard every slap, every thud of a fist or foot landing on him, had heard the ugly snap of a green-stick fracture to his wrist as they twisted it savagely, but no cries, no noise at all from his agent._

_Instead of making him proud, it made him appalled. What sort of person took that kind of abuse without even a groan or outcry of any kind? Gibbs really didn't want to think about it, it was almost as if the kid ENJOYED it. For almost five agonizing minutes, Gibbs was forced to listen to his SFA being assaulted, while he screamed and kicked at the door, trying everything in his power to break it down or at the very least, distract them. They were very distracted, however, by Kate and Fornell slamming through the hotel room's main door and shooting both of the men, killing one of them._

_He heard Kate call for an ambulance while he continued to kick and scream to be let out. Fornell heard him through the confusion and let him out, nearly getting himself run over for his effort as Gibbs barreled past him to his downed agent._

_"Tony, it's Gibbs, ambulance is on its way."_

_"Ducky."_

_"Ducky's not here, kid."_

_"Want…Ducky…no hospital."_

_"Tony, you're bleedin' like a stuck PIG!"_

_"Won't …go..."_

_"You'll go where I TELL ya to go!" Gibbs bellowed at him, surveying all the cuts and bruises that were visible and imagining all the ones that weren't._

_Tony tried rising from the carpeted floor. "Lemme up..." he slurred, sounding half in the bag._

_"You stay down, that's an order!"_

_"You can't make me...go to the hospital...illegal...won't go."_

_Kate looked to her boss for instructions. Gibbs sighed heavily, going back to trying to staunch the flow of blood from Tony's face._

_"Call Ducky, tell 'im we're on our way."_

_"He could have internal injuries, Gibbs."_

_"Don't you think I know that, Kate? I can't force him to go, he'll only sign himself out AMA anyways! Help me get him out to the car, carefully."_

_Once they were out at the Charger, Tony spoke up again. "Blanket. On the seat...can't get blood on it."_

_"You WOULD worry about that now, Tony."_

_"Boss'll…take it…outta my pay."_

_"Damned STRAIGHT I will," Gibbs growled into Tony's ear, holding him upright while Kate prepped the back seat. But he had no intention of doing any such thing. His own blood was still pounding in his head, making his eyeballs vibrate - he couldn't get to Tony, to stop them, to help him. But he could hear it all, the thuds, the sickening crack of Tony's wrist bone..._

_Tony grunted in pain as Gibbs lowered him as gently as he could into the back seat._

_"Kate, get in beside him, this side, help keep him propped up or he'll be on the floor by the time we get there."_

_She did, and for once, sitting that close to her partner, she hadn't had to slap, punch, or elbow him for misbehaving._

_After a dozen stitches, a few x-rays, and a soft cast, Tony was led to Abby's lab to try to get comfortable on her futon till Gibbs could write up his report, scream at Fornell and come collect Tony to settle him in Gibbs's guest room for the night. The lead agent had stayed through the entire exam, and steadied him when Ducky had put two sutures in each of Tony's lips and three on his left cheek._

_That had been Gibb's downfall, watching as the young man gritted his teeth and strained every muscle in his body in an effort not to cry out in front of his boss and the M.E._

_As soon as Ducky was done and Gibbs felt Tony could manage on his own, he dismissed himself to go do the requisite paperwork. He felt Tony grab his sleeve on his way out, and stopped._

_"Than's, bosth.," DiNozzo lisped through the ice pack and swollen lips._

_Gibbs merely stared at him, his eyes betraying nothing now. No sympathy, no trace of concern, and Tony stiffened a bit at the change in the man, but immediately threw up his own walls in defense. Okay, Gibbs was pissed at him. He thought he had done everything right and the man STILL wasn't happy with his work. Ducky's wary eye caught the exchange and gave Tony's leg a solicitous pat as his boss strode out of the room._

_"This has upset him GREATLY, Anthony. Give him some time."_

_"Didn' looh upset t' ME..."_

_"I assure you he is indeed. Come, let's take you to Abigail, she's been waiting impatiently for you."_

_Ducky helped him down from the table and steadied him before they made their way to Abby's lab. Tony knew he certainly wasn't on his game at the moment, but he couldn't help but feel a sense of inexplicable loss - something had changed with his boss, no matter how much Ducky assured him otherwise._

_For whatever reason, Gibbs had shut himself off from Tony, and the young man with the reputation for being carefree and Teflon-coated felt it as surely as if a bucket of ice water had been tossed on him. Maybe Gibbs was sick of him now, disgusted with him. He probably already had someone else in mind to replace Tony. _

Well, not much I can do about it at the moment_, Tony thought as he collapsed onto Abby's pseudo-sofa. _

_He'd confront Gibbs in the morning, when they'd both gotten some rest._


	5. Chapter 5

**This chapter is for iboneki, Happy Bird do! Thanks to my mighty beta and buddy Bunny! Love ya, girlie!**

**Note: The **_**flashback**_** is in **_**italics**_**.**

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><p><em>It was a decidedly somber atmosphere at the breakfast table the next morning as Tony picked at his scrambled eggs and bacon. He'd already been force-fed three extra-strength Motrin, and Gibbs was determined to get some sort of real food in him, at least enough to absorb some of the pain relievers. Tony ate a slice of dry toast and considered that enough, but the older man glared at him in between mouthfuls. He'd been glaring at Tony all morning, and it was wearing the younger man down.<em>

_"You replacing me, Boss? 'Cause if you are, I think it's only fair you tell me, so I can start looking for another team."_

_"Did I or anyone else at the Navy yard say I was replacing you, DiNozzo?"_

_"No, Boss," Tony replied quietly, dropping his eyes back down to the plate. He wanted to feel relieved at his boss's semi-answer, but quite frankly, was ready for the snarling and snapping at him to end. And maybe Gibbs WANTED to get rid of him and couldn't, without a justifiable reason, and that's why he was being so cool to him. But then why drag him home and put him up in the guest room if he was done with him? Tony was tired of trying to figure it out. He was just plain tired._

_"Eat your eggs before they get cold," Gibbs ordered, and went into the kitchen for more coffee. Tony waited for him to come back out but instead the man headed down to the basement. He heaved a heavy sigh; well, alright then, at least he still had his SFA job for now. But that was all. Whatever friendship had formed between his boss and himself had pretty much evaporated, for reasons unknown to him._

_No matter, he told himself. He was used to not being buds with his co-workers, and he still had Abby and Ducky, and Kate sometimes, when she wasn't up on her high horse. _

_Tony lifted a forkful of eggs to his mouth with his left hand and they promptly tumbled off. Well, he wasn't very hungry anyways. He pulled out his cell phone and called for a cab- he didn't want to be an unwanted house guest any longer. Stifling a grunt of pain from his bruised ribs, he took his plate into the kitchen, cleaned it off into the disposal, and went out to the front step to wait for his ride._

_Down in the basement, Gibbs puttered, putting away left-out tools, sweeping up sawdust, checking his bourbon supply. He knew he was being rude. He knew he was being unreasonable. He didn't care. This was war, and his SFA was not going to win. Tony needed to stay outside of Gibb's emotional boundaries - he was a subordinate, not family. Been there, done that, lost them, almost lost his mind. Not going through that again. If he had to hurt Tony's feelings to re-harden his own heart, then so be it. The kid was used to it; Gibbs was just another in long line of rejections. Tony would get over it, and the next time Gibbs peeled him off the pavement he could do it without his guts clenching and turning to lead._

_Gibbs heard a vehicle pull into the driveway, one of its doors slam, and then pull away from the house. He knew what he'd find when he went upstairs, and a wave of guilt coursed through him at the thought of how his SFA must be feeling now. That was okay, he could do guilt, it didn't much keep him awake at night. The pain of the loss of family did, and he'd already had enough sleepless nights._

_Tony was resilient; he still had Ducky and Abby and they were better friends to him, anyways. And Gibbs could go back to his own tiny little world that didn't include senior field agents who asked for more than he was willing or able to give. Maybe he'd even start locking his door._

**. . . . .**

"Well, now, Jethro, that was _hardly _the boy's _fault_, no one _asks _to be beaten like that!"

"He didn't make a _sound_, Duck!" Gibbs spoke in a broken voice. "Like he was - _enjoying _it or something!"

"Nonsense, Jethro, I know what you're talking about and you're wrong, Anthony does _not _relish pain, I believe it stems from something entirely different, something that I'm not at liberty to discuss with you. And as for all the bottles of pills, I did _not _realize he was squirreling them away in his desk drawer. I _am _surprised that you don't know the reason behind Anthony's aversion to them."

"_You _know why he won't take them?"

"Of _course _I do, I'm his physician."

"Then why do you keep prescribing them for him when you know he won't _take _them?"

"Because _you _won't let him _be _until you see the damned things in his hand!"

Gibb's face fell. He knew all too well all the times he hounded DiNozzo about them until the young man showed up with them and set them down on his desk as proof. 'Anything to shut the old man up!' he figured he could have heard Tony say if he'd been within earshot.

"Yeah, well...okay, so why won't he take them? Or can't you tell me _that, _either?"

"Let me ask you this first, Jethro. How much control do you think Anthony likes to have over his inner-most feelings and emotions?"

"More than a Marine has over his rifle."

"And what happens to _you _when you take prescription pain killers?"

"You know I don't take 'em anymore, Duck, they make me loopy, like I'm high or something."

"Yes-s-s. Exactly. Now you understand the drawer full of pills."

"Why didn't you tell me this before, Duck?"

"You never asked, and until now it wasn't important! You _know _how closely Anthony guards his emotions, do you really expect him to willingly put himself in a situation where he might reveal rather -delicate- information?"

Gibbs looked hard at enough at Ducky to make the M.E. look away from him. When he spoke his voice was low and hard.

"His father beat on him when he was a kid, didn't he?"

"Jethro, I cannot reveal -"

"Tony already did, Duck, and you just confirmed it for me."

"Jethro, you _cannot _confront him about this, it would be, well, at the very least, it would be unethical."

"Not gonna say a word about it, Duck. I'm the last one to go dredging up bad memories for somebody, especially ones as ugly as that. Might go find his father and beat the ever-lovin' _shit _out of 'im, but I won't say anything to Tony about that, either."

"Alright, then, it's settled, you know why his drawer was full of pills, now let's figure out why you came back from the Hoover Building empty-handed. What did Anthony _say _to you?"

"Didn't even talk to him, couldn't get past Fornell, he doesn't want to part with him."

"Well, you can hardly _blame _the man, he's been envying your Anthony for quite some _time _now!"

"You _knew?"_

"Oh please, Jethro, give me some credit, _everyone _knows Tobias has had his sights on having the boy on his team since he first met him! _You _have chosen to be blind to it, and taken Tobias's teasing as gospel, all the while baiting Anthony with threats until he had no choice but to do as you advised! I _do _believe it's time you opened at _least _your eyes if not your heart and see just what is in front of you."

"I _know _what's in front of me, Duck, I saw it all almost disappear right before my eyes two months ago!"

"Then you must know that Tobias would appreciate having the same thing in _his _life. And now that he has him, he won't give him up willingly. Anthony must be in his glory, probably for the first time in his life, someone has fought over him. Perhaps you can come up with some sort of -time share for the boy!"

"I don't wanna share him, Duck, there's not enough of him to go around as it is."

"Then I suggest you formulate a plan to make him want to come home! Later curfew, a bigger allowance, perhaps?" Ducky's eyes shown with humor which Gibbs missed entirely.

"I can't change his pay grade, Ducky. Besides, I don't wanna bribe him, I want him to come back 'cause he _wants _to!"

"I was being facetious, Jethro, I didn't mean money, or a _real _curfew, just that perhaps you - lighten up a bit on him and find something to encourage him to leave Fornell! What did Tobias offer him to come to work there?"

"Can't imagine, Duck, they didn't even have a real _desk _for him to work at yet, got him set up in one of the Human Resources conference rooms!"

"I see. Well, if you don't have a case at the moment, why don't you go back there and discuss it with him?" He looked at his watch. "I'm sure Tobias won't mind an innocent lunch meeting."

"Tobias was ready to have my head on a stick by the time he finished with me, I don't know if they'll even let me in the door."

"Hmm. I'm sure Anthony must have his cell phone with him, call the boy and ask him to meet you in the commissary. Neutral territory, as it were."

"Alright, Duck, wish me luck. If I come back again without him, I might as well not come back, Abby and Kate are already after me with torches and pitch forks."

"As well they _should _be, Jethro, you have become the enemy in their eyes until you set things right with their brother."

"Duck, I already _told _ya..."

"Yes, yes you did, and therein lies your problem. You insist on treating Anthony like a ne'r -do-well son while treating Abby like a cherished daughter. He understands that she's your favorite, but honestly, you _know _how very little Anthony asks from you."

Ducky paused for a moment and stood closer to Gibbs again, looking the man as square in the eye as he could, considering their height difference. "Would it _really _hurt you to show him a bit of affection? He _so _craves it, you'd be surprised how far just a little goes with him. You don't have to pour your heart to Anthony, but you _will _be more successful in convincing him to come back to the den if you lured him with just a _bit _of honey."

"Right. And I'm supposed to know what you _mean _by that."

"You'll figure it out, Jethro. Because if you don't, Tobias will do it _for_ you."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: We're in the homestretch, folks, final chapter. This would have been done in, like, 2 chapters if Gibbs wasn't such a rock-headed S.O.B. But that's part of why we all love him, right? My thanks again to Bunny for the beta! And to everyone who reviewed and favorited!**

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><p><em>Jesus, <em>Gibbs cursed, shaking his head as he walked out to his car. He didn't have to work this hard at getting Shannon to _marry _him! And it wasn't like he could lure DiNozzo with candy and flowers - well, not with flowers, anyways. Maybe a year's supply of pizza would do the trick. Honest to God, it was like trying to win the hand of the fair maiden back from the evil ogre in some fairy tale. He just wanted his SFA back, wanted things back to normal. Why did DiNozzo have to be so damned stubborn and complicated? Why couldn't he have just...

_Okay, this isn't helping_, Gibbs decided. _You have a mission, accomplish it by any means available, you're a goddamned Marine, just do what it takes! _The only problem was, he just didn't know what it _was _going to take. God help him if an apology was involved, he'd - well, he'd cross that bridge when he came to it. He whipped out his cell and dialed 411 for the Adam's Morgan Rooftop Grill and made reservations. He figured a two inch-thick rib eye steak was a good place to start, and then he'd go from there.

Right now he had to figure out a way to get past that guard dog Tobias. He hadn't been able to get in touch with DiNozzo to meet him for lunch. Well, he wouldn't bother with his old friend Fornell, he'd just go straight to the H.R. conference room. And if DiNozzo wasn't there...well, he'd be screwed for another day.

He tried to be as inconspicuous as possible, not wanting a confrontation from anyone, yet all the while telling himself he had every right to be there and no one could just throw him out any more than he could drag Tony out by the ear. He peeked cautiously into the room, and saw DiNozzo wolfing down a pizza. Good thing he hadn't wasted his money on one. Although, he now thought that DiNozzo would have appreciated the gesture.

_Well, too late now. _

Tony saw the movement of the door and looked up.

"Hey, DiNozzo."

"Hey, Gibbs. What brings _you _here?"

"You. Came ta - bring ya home."

"Huh. Didn't realize I _had _one."

"Abby's calling my cell every hour to see if I've 'fixed' things. Kate won't talk to me except for work stuff."

"Hmmff." Tony nodded, and went back to eating his pizza.

"Can I sit down?"

"It's a federal building, I can't stop you."

"Do you _want _to?"

"Gibbs, what do you _want _from me? I'm _not _going to apologize until you tell me what I did wrong!"

Gibb's voice was calm, calmer than Tony had heard it in a long time. "You didn't do anything wrong, Tony. I - I should've done what you asked me to and gone somewhere else to talk instead of makin' a scene in the bullpen. Wasn't anybody's business but ours, I just - I saw those bottles and I lost it."

"Do you really think I get off on pain, Gibbs?"

There it was again. Gibbs. Not Boss. Well, he wasn't anymore, and it was his own damned fault.

"Not anymore. Ducky told me, you go loopy on Percocet."

"And Vicodin and Demeral and...Well, you get the picture. Haven't found one yet that doesn't turn me into a raving lunatic. So, I just take lots of Motrin."

"Huh. Okay."

"You could've asked before, Bos- Gibbs, I would've told you."

"_I _know. I already said I shouldn't have made a scene."

"Then why did you?"

Gibbs swallowed hard and looked away, looked anywhere but at DiNozzo. No, this had to be said, had to be done, or he'd be going back to the Navy yard without the kid, back to his doom. He looked back at Tony's expectant face.

"When you - when we were in that hotel room and…they were beating the shit outta you…you didn't…I could hear every hit, every fist that they landed on you. And you never once cried out. You were just _too damned _QUIET, DiNozzo, and I wanna know why!"

"Boss, please -"

"Your father," Gibbs began with the smallest breath of hesitation. "He _hit _you, didn't he? Like _those _guys did, only you were too little to defend yourself. You didn't make any noise when he did it so he wouldn't think he was hurting you and he'd stop. Now it's ingrained in you."

Tony's coloring went almost ghost-white. He crossed his arms in a self-hug and stared at his lap.

"Never wanted you to know, Bos-Gibbs, not something I want _anyone _to know. He didn't do it all the time, but…after my mom died, he just…he couldn't cope, drank a lot, took pain killers. It's a wonder he didn't kill himself."

"Too bad he didn't."

"No, Boss, he just had a hard time after mom died and -"

"And you didn't? That justifies beating the snot outta your kid?"

Gibbs was getting thoroughly pissed, and Tony could see the man's fists clenching and unclenching.

"It's in the past, Boss," he said quietly.

"Still affects you, and I'm not your boss, so quit calling me that!"

_Whoa, _Tony thought. _Opening that drawer really opened a can of worms between us..._No,he realized, it went back weeks before that. Ever since he got that smack-down in the hotel room, Gibbs had been surly, menacing, even, but only to him, and for the life of him, Tony couldn't figure it out, no matter how many times he went back over it in his head.

"Okay. _Gibbs_,"he emphasized, more to get under the man's skin than to placate him. He wasn't about to make this easy for the man, no matter what he had overheard of Fornell's and the Senior agent's confrontation. Or that the man had come to apologize in his own weird way. "You know, you're not exactly rollin' the red carpet out for me to come back to NCIS."

"What the hell do you want me to SAY, DiNozzo, you think this is EASY for me?"

"No, Gibbs," Tony answered quietly, deciding that maybe an extra day - hell, maybe a lifetime - away from the irrational man might not hurt. "I think it's probably gonna be easier for you to get another SFA. I seem to bring out the worst in you and you're bad enough when you're at your best. Go back to the Navy yard, talk to the Director. He can recommend somebody."

"I don't _want _anybody else, DiNozzo, that's why I'm here!"

"Then give me one good reason why I should come back, 'cause right now, I'm really not feelin' the love."

"Abby and Kate -"

_Oh for the love of Sean Connery,_ Tony thought. _How emotionally constipated could one man possibly BE?_

"Yeah, Abby and Kate are pissed atcha, I got it. Well, Gibbs, I'm all for letting them stay that way. I've gotta get back to work, I'm on company time." It wasn't a lie. He just hadn't said _what_company. He sat back down, and tuned Gibbs out. No wonder Fornell had ended up screaming at the man. Stubborn bastard.

Gibbs himself was readying to scream at Tony, to tell him to not tune him out, that he wasn't done with him yet. Fortunately, he managed to catch and stifle himself. Had to stop using that Gunny temper of his all the time, it only worked in the right situations. Certainly not this one. He knew this was make or break time, shit or get off the pot, like Fornell had told him. He took a calming breath.

"I was wrong, Tony."

DiNozzo's head snapped up so fast he thought he might have hurt himself. He stared dumbly at the man in front of him, not able to formulate a coherent thought, much less a sentence. Gibbs knew he had shocked the younger man to new heights and forged ahead in the stunned silence.

"Should've just asked ya what the hell was going on with ya instead of breaking my own rule."

"Never assume."

"Seen it happen a lot, both here and in the Marines. You start usin' the pain to drive yourself on, get yourself out of bad situations, next thing you know you're addicted to it, only way to know yer still a human being."

"Ever happen to you, Boss?"

"No. Much as it seems that way, I can't think right when I'm in pain, so I've learned to control it. Secret is to get ahead of it, get _some _kind of pain killer in ya before it gets out of control. Then it doesn't take as much to keep it at bay."

"Huh." Tony looked back down at his papers. "So. What were we talking about again? Oh yeah. You want me to come back on your team."

"Yeah. So. You comin'?"

Tony couldn't help but burst out laughing. "_God, _Gibbs, you're like a freaking _mountain man_from an old Gunsmoke episode! Crazy old Jethro come to get his mail order bride! Where's your fur hat and chewin' teebacky?"

Gibbs almost stomped his foot in frustration. "I ain't _marryin' _ya, DiNozzo, I just want you back on my team!"

Tony tried to get serious, but the sight of Gibbs squirming in front of him was just too classic. Nonetheless he schooled his expression down to a smirk.

"Why? And don't you _dare _tell me 'cause Abby and Kate are pissed' at you."

"'Cause you're the best agent I've ever worked with and you _know _it and I shouldn't have to SAY it!"

"Hmmm." DiNozzo tapped his bottom lip with his soda straw. "Well, that's a start. But ya know, it's _just _not enough. Tell me another reason."

"God dammit, DiNozzo, I didn't put up with this kind of shit from _any _of my ex-wives!"

"And let's just think about that for a moment, shall we? _Ex-_wives. _Ex- _agents. I see a pattern developing here."

'The vein' was starting to pulse on the side of Gibb's forehead. Tony knew if the man didn't ratchet things down a notch he was going to combust. Part of him wanted to see it happen. He could sell tickets. _Step right up, folks, see the eighth wonder of the world Leroy Jethro Gibbs discombobulate right before your very eyes!_Tony swung his attention back to the moment, and tried to decide how to help his friend get his act together and maintain some shred of dignity in the process.

"Okay, here's the deal, Gibbs. I come back to NCIS, and I get what from you in return? No more head slaps?"

"Nope. You'll still get them."

"Better parking space?"

"You _know _I don't have any control over that, DiNozzo."

"Yeah, okay. Seriously, though, Boss - you got a problem with something you think I'm doing or _not _doing, you tell me in private, not in front of Kate, and for _sure _not in front of the entire building! It's not professional and it's rude and I know you've got better ethics than that. You don't wait until you're ready to rip my head off and crap down my neck to talk to me about it. If it's legit and you ask me right, I'll most likely _tell _you. But you won't get jack _shit_ out of me if you back me into the corner like you did the other day. You threaten me with Fornell one more _time _and I really _will _take him up on his standing offer."

"The hell? Haven't you already?"

"Not officially. Took a few days sick leave - didn't lie, I _was _sick, of you using me as doormat."

"DiNozzo…" Gibbs was clearly seething, ready to blow.

"You see, I really _was _out the door for good when I left the bullpen the other day, I wasn't yanking you when I gave you my badge and weapon, I really _had _quit. Then Morrow called and talked me into taking a few days off to cool down and make my decision when I wasn't in the throes of homicidal fantasies."

"So basically you _lied _to me the whole time you were gone and I was throwing myself on my sword."

"I don't know what Fornell told you, but I made very sure that I never lied to you, Boss. I _was _working for him on cold cases. I was just doing it gratis. Fornell fed me and entertained me and I got him some new leads to work on. Your rule, Boss, always be specific when you lie. Which I didn't, technically. Anyways, I got a break from you pissing me off every five minutes, and you got some time to decide whether or not you really wanted me on your team."

"I'll _always _want you on my team, DiNozzo. I'm just not very good at showing it."

"Yeah, well, I don't expect a lot of positive reinforcement from ya, Boss, but a _little _would be nice, and I don't mean headslaps."

"How does a ribeye dinner at the Adam's House Rooftop Grill sound for positive reinforcement? Made a reservation for 1800, my treat."

Gibbs had to work like hell to hide the pleased smile that came from seeing the equally pleased one on DiNozzo's face.

"Boss, you're kidding me! Really? For Adam's House?"

"Yeah. I'll even wear a tie and leave my fur mountain hat at home so I don't embarrass you."

"You probably actually _have _one of those, don't you, Boss?"

"Yeah, got it packed away in my basement along with my hatchet and long-johns."

"So, Boss, you never really said why _else_ you wanted me on the team, other than the fact that I'm the best senior field agent in DC. You're kinda _fond _of me, aren't you? I'm _growing _on you, like Burley."

"More like a fungus, DiNozzo."

"See, now _that's_ what gets you having to look through a new pile of personnel files, Boss. You could be a _little _more appreciative of what you've got, and maybe it won't turn into something you _had, _that now belongs to Fornell."

"I'm dressing up and buying you dinner at the best grill in DC, DiNozzo. That should count for something. Don't think I ever sprung for more than a bagel and coffee for Burley."

"Yeah? Okay then. Good. Help me clean this place up and I'll go tell Tobias-"

"Tell me what, kid?" the man himself asked as he stepped into the room. Gibbs frowned at him and Fornell snickered to himself, reading the senior agent like a book. So Gibbs didn't like him being so familial with his boy. Good. "Oh, look who's here. Jethro. Lunch time's over, he needs to get back to work."

"Yup, he does. He's comin' back with me."

"You agree to that, kid, or did he threaten you?"

"I didn't threaten him, Tobias, jeezus! We talked, got some things figured out. Alright, _I _got some things figured out. We're good."

Fornell looked to DiNozzo for confirmation.

"It's cool, Tobias. Looks like you're going to have to get somebody else on your cold cases."

"Huh, too bad, DiNutso, and I was _so-o _close. Another day of his futzin' around and I could have been signing off on your reports. Well, there's always next time."

"There's not gonna _be _a next time, Tobias," Gibbs said forcefully.

"Famous last words, Jethro. Go, take yer boy home, but just so you know, it's an open-ended invitation for him, he shows up on my doorstep again, we won't have to pull a fast one on ya, I'll forge his signature on his application myself, and don't think for one second I'm not serious!"

Gibbs knew Fornell was _dead_serious, just by the tone of his voice. And he hoped he never forgot that look when he started going off the deep end, as he knew he was so capable of doing. Repeatedly, it seemed. So he skipped over any sarcastic or flippant remark he might come up with and grabbed up the box of left-over pizza.

"Yeah, Tobias, I do," he said solemnly, and stopped in front of the man to look him hard in the eye. "Thanks for watching out for him. Maybe you can sue for part-time custody er something. In the mean time, he stays with me. Come on, Skippy, got work to do before the big dinner."

Fornell watched them troop out of the conference room as Gibbs was giving what looked to be a head slap but turned into a gentle squeeze of the back of his neck.

As much as he would enjoy having DiNozzo full-time on his team, he knew the kid would never really be happy or feel like he was at home. Only Gibbs could give that to him. And he was going to make damned sure, in his own covert way, that it didn't stop, even if it meant not ever being Tony's boss himself. But, for DiNutso, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.


End file.
